Two Men and a Baby
by angel of music guide me
Summary: Okay, old idea I know, but I couldnt resist... Julie leaces wilson in charge of his nephew, but she doesnt count on House being along for the ride... just harmless fluff...
1. Chapter 1

Two Men and a Baby.

"…Dammit James, I am your wife! I'm sick and tired of coming second place to _him_! It's enough that you have to work every hour of the day and that you choose to spend it with _him, _but I have had this trip booked for weeks. I asked you to keep this weekend free for Sean and now because you want to drink beer and cover the upholstery in pizza stains you think I should cancel?" Julie was irate and this was a bad position for Wilson to be in. He could never win an argument with her and was always the one who apologised. He couldn't let House hear him back down.

"Look Julie, I'm not suggesting that you cancel, I'm just suggesting we get a baby sitter for one night! It won't hurt!" By the time he had finished speaking Wilson knew he could not win, he had known from the beginning of the argument that he could not win and was ready to back down, but Julie wasn't finished yet.

"He is your nephew James. You are his uncle; you need to have some input. If I find out from anyone that you have passed him off to a friend or babysitter you will be in SERIOUS trouble! Do you understand!" Wilson knew he had to back down in order to end this. He hung his head in defeat.

"Fine I get it" At that statement Julie went out the door with a self satisfied smirk on her face. Wilson shut the door behind her and rested his head on the frame. He really couldn't be bothered to argue. It was just easier all round to let her win.

"You really told her there Jimmy! I'm going to have to be more careful about having an argument with you in future" Greg Houses voice sounded from the front room. Wilson sighed, he knew he was going to get stick from House about backing down.

"What? Would you prefer we were still standing here arguing? Wait, don't answer that, you _like_ to hear about how you are the main catalyst in the breakdown of our marriage" He wasn't really kidding about that, Julie really hated Greg. She knew that he came first.

"Ouch. You know your words are like a dagger through my heart!"

"Really? That's interesting; I didn't think that daggers could pierce stone…"

"Ouch. Touché." House raised his hands in defeat and looked at Wilson who was still standing to the side.

"The problem we have now is what do we do with that?" House lifted his cane and used it to point to the infant laying on the play mat.

"He is not a "_that_" House. He is my nephew, and….. I have no idea what to do with him…" He sighed and moved forward towards the child. "He's only eighteen months…how much can he do anyway? It won't be that bad, he'll probably sleep for most of the weekend, and we can still watch the game. How about you stay here for a few days and we'll make a party of it." House considered the offer carefully. Wilson obviously didn't want to be alone with the child, and House felt his pain. Hell, he didn't want to be within a block of it.

"Do we still get beer and pizza?" House asked hopefully. Wilson knew that this was House's own way of agreeing and he moved towards the couch and sat.

"This could be interesting….I really hope that this isn't a subtle hint from Julie that she wants kids…I don't think I'm strong enough for that."

House regarded him with a fake sense of glee.

"Ooh I'll be their Uncle Greg! You could name one or two after me! We could dress them up in matching Sound of Music cloths and teach them to sing! I could teach them to talk!"

Greg, stop talking. Now. No one in their right mind would let you near a child who is about to say its first words. No one wants a cursing child.

"Ga!" The little boy's attention was focused on Wilson and House. One could assume that he was wondering who this other strange man was with Uncle Jimmy, and why did he have a long stick?

House and Wilson looked at each other, and then back down at Sean. It was going to be an interesting weekend for all concerned.


	2. Chapter 2

Author Note: I suck at updating….. sorry…. This is a short chapter, that's why I have posted two.

Disclaimer: See Chapter One

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"Have you ever had a kid left in your care before?" House was observing Wilson struggling with a diaper as Sean just lay wiggling like a fish out of water on the changing mat. It would have been amusing to House had the scene not be accompanied with ear splitting shrieks and squeals. It amazed both men, how such a small being could make such a huge amount of noise.

"It's not as easy as it looks House! He won't stop moving!"

"Babies tend to do that, you know, move and such…Annoying it may be, but damn that Mother Nature she has to make it difficult for us poor undomesticated men…"

"Hey, speak for yourself! I'm fully domesticated thank you very much"

"Sorry, temporary lapse, I forget that you are the one wearing the apron. Does Julie even know _how_ to iron!"

Sean had ceased wriggling upon noticing that the man who had been attempting to change his diaper had ceased, and was now engaged in conversation with the other man, who had not yet lifted a finger to help. One squeal from Sean ensured that the focus of the men was drawn squarely back to him.

House got up and shoved Wilson out of the way. A simple "Move" sufficed as he approached the infant and looked down at him. With a few deft movements of his hands, House had the diaper folded and expertly wrapped round the body of the child, the pin was the finishing touch and he stepped back to admire his handiwork.

Wilson just stood there, stunned into silence. His mouth formed a few shapes of surprise but gave up and settled on the easiest one to hold, just a plain 'O' of surprise. He would be rubbish at poker- his mouth tended to give everything away even without speech.

"How did you learn to…..how do you even know how to do that!"

"Not important right now… Well are you gonna pick him up, or just leave him there? The ceiling is really not that interesting for most people. Personally I just love blank spaces, but can't speak for him"

Wilson moved towards Sean, and redressed him in his tiny track suit, he looked like a baby footballer, and he couldn't even walk properl yet. All the clothes that Sean had come with were ridiculously expensive versions of adult clothes- all designers and labels, nothing he could play properly in. Little boys were supposed to get messy, not worry about mud on their baby Louis Vuitton. Unfortunately he had no old curtains which he could carve into lederhosen…better not let house know he had the Sound of Music on DVD in the bottom drawer of the cabinet, the gay jokes didn't need any encouragement.

"Hey, House. Fancy a shopping trip?"


	3. Chapter 3

Wilson had both hands on the pram and was concentrating on the names of the stores in the mall, "House, what shop sell baby clothes?"

"What, you don't think he has enough in the suitcase he brought with him? That thing was bigger than he is!"

"Were going to the park, I don't want his mother complaining if his pretty white sneakers get scuffed, or his baby Henry Lloyd gets mud on."

"Wow Wilson, if only I had a papa like you, I wouldn't have been so miserable a teenager. If only my parents had let me climb trees and roll around in the mud without worrying about my designer pants, maybe I wouldn't be so miserable now…"

"Yeah. If only. Is that why you are compensating now by wearing low end shirts and crumpled jackets"

"This from the French shoe wearing, hideous tie loving doctor who cant fold a diaper.."

Sean had decided that this was quite enough for the time being and wildly gestured to the nearest shop. House and Wilson looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Sean had just managed to point to a baby clothes retailer that was reasonably priced and well stocked "Huh" House was impressed "I guess the kid is more intelligent than I first thought"

"You cant mix navy and black you moron. Didn't your mother teach you anything? For someone who dresses for the ladies you really have a lot to learn…this is better." House picked up a pair of beige combat pants and a turtleneck. "All we need now is a jacket and were good to go"

"Urm Greg, how about I leave him with you for a bit, I need a bathroom break….Ill be right back" Wilson was already walking away as he spoke. House just laughed to himself- that man had no stamina for shopping when he wasn't the focus. Just as well he was better at shopping for other people than himself…he didn't have to do it often….not since Stacy at least… The last thing he had bought for her was a scarf, that just screamed Stacy. So he wasn't the most imaginative gift buyer, so what? It was practical and warm…scarfs had so many uses…He shrugged that last thought away quickly with a twinge of regret and underlying depression that had been there since she had breezed, no more like shoved, her way back into his life. That was a thought for another time, prefably when he was near to his piano and a bottle of Jack Daniels…

House was brushing past a rail of jackets when he saw a sight that made his heart stop cold. Allison Cameron was sat on a chair outside the changing room next to an empty pram looking thouroughly bored. House hoped that if he just turned now she wouldn't notice him. No such luck.

"House?"

He cringed inwardly. "Cameron. Enjoying your day off?" Making small talk was not one of his strong points. He had never seen the sense in trying to cover up an uncomfortable situation with uncomfortable talk.

"What are you doing here? More to the poin why do you have a child? Is he urm…" she let her voice trail off meaningfully.

"Is he mine? No, he's Wilson's" he saw her eyebrows rise "He's not Wilson's as in he's _Wilson's_, he's his nephew. Sean meet Cameron. Cameron meet Sean"

"Erm, hey Sean." She took his tiny hand in one of hers, and let out a surprised "oh" when he squeezed back. He giggled at the expression on her face and let go. Tilting his head upward he looked at Houses face, and noticing his faraway look he jerked his body with sufficient force to move the pushchair and wake him from his dream.

"So Cameron what are you doing here? Last time I checked your file I didn't see any reference to children."

"My friend is in there kitting out her poor niece in designer clothes that make her look like a hip hop brat…she walked straight past the sensible play clothes and went straight to the ridiculously overpriced stuff" House had to smile at her vehement distaste for dressing children up to look like adults.

"So if this is Wilsons nephew, then where is Wilson?"

"He ran off, I think he's probably shoe shopping, or maybe buying Julie a present so she doesn't do this to him again" Cameron giggled like a school girl, and House was surprised at the conflict of emotions that he felt inside him. On one hand he was cringing at her girlishness that just screamed I like pink fluffy things, and on the other he was finding that he wasn't hating this moment. He was enjoying having her standing there near to him, without the prospect of a medical emergency. Of course it was at this moment that Wilson chose to return with bags in hand.

"So glad you could join us Wilson. Sean was beginning to think I was the one actually related to him"

"Ha ha. Cameron, what are you doing here?" Wilson was glancing sidways at House without a hint of subtlety. He knew that House liked her, he had known ever since the case of the politician when house looke like he was going to knock Wilson out when he suggested that he might have put the moves on Cameron.

"Hey, heres an idea, why don't you come for lunch with us!" Wilson was enjoying this. House would kill him later for it, or at least make it look like he had hated every minute of today. Secretly he was happy, or as happy as Greg House got when monster trucks or whiskey weren't involved.

"Sure, if my friend can come too" House had the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that this was a soap opera-like set up. All the characters ending up going out together and life ending up happy and perfect, it made him feel slightly nauseous to tell him the truth. This nausea was further increased when from the changing room stepped the most beautiful woman House had ever seen. Out of the corner of his eye House saw Wilsons mouth drop open, and he had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. _This is a soap opera come to life… _Cameron caught Houses eye and suppressed a laugh. She felt the cliché too "Sooo…lunch then"

House was glad to end this 'moment' "Cameron, that's the best idea you've had in weeks, Wilson, pay for the stuff will you? We'll be outside"


	4. Chapter 4

Frankly, it was enough to put House of his Ruben, even if it was perfectly made with no pickles. Wilson and Cameron's model-like girlfriend had done nothing but talk and flirt for the entire meal. On the more positive side Wilson was too far gone to notice House stealing the fries from his plate, and likewise with Cameron pushing her fries onto Alyssa's.

"You could just give _me_ those you know" His condescension was not easy to miss, and Cameron blushed and stared down at her plate. She had hoped he wouldn't notice her offloading the food she had, and she knew that Chase's comment about her weighing only ninety pounds would come back to haunt her..

"I'm not that hungry really- I had a huge breakfast"

"You've lost weight recently" He mentally kicked himself as he spoke, _great, you now sound like her dad…_

"No I haven't, and anyway it's not like you to notice trivialities"

"Well then it must not be trivial" She looked away from the table, desperately hoping he would change the subject. Of course this being House there would be no exit in sight. He had been noticing her weight loss in recent weeks- his observations had nothing to do with caring about her in any way, shape, or form, but as her employee he was entitled to question her ability to do her job. _At least that's what you like to tell yourself…_

"I'm fine, really. _Really_." She kept eye contact with him, warning him to back off, but he didn't take the hint and stared back, daring her to look away.

"We need to go and finish off our shopping" Wilson broke in and the sudden speech broke the concentration of both House and Cameron. House could have killed him at that moment in time- best friend or not.

"Yeah Alli, we should go too…" Alyssa's voice was like honey- smooth and captivating. It made House inwardly retch.

"Hey, we don't have that much shopping left to do, and me and Greg were gonna take Sean to the park- do you wanna come along?" Wilson was definitely in full flirting mode today and House wondered if it would be Wilson or himself who broke the news that he was married.

"Sure, we'd love that wouldn't us Alli." She gave Cameron a look which dared her to disagree.

"Yeah, why not" She spoke tiredly, as if she was trying to summon up some energy. It was at that moment that house realised that he may have actually broken her. He had noticed over the past few months that she didn't approach her job with the same passion that she one did, and he realised, albeit too late, that he missed her idealism, however misguided it was.


End file.
